“Pass me the orange juice, please.”

“Here you go. By the way, why did you buy orange juice?”

“Excuse me? Why wouldn’t I buy orange juice?”

“There are all kinds of juices. I’ve noticed you’ve been buying only orange juice lately.”

“So? I didn’t know you wanted something else.”

“Hm… Could it be related to the fact that a week ago you said I have orange peel skin?”

“When did I say that? Are you crazy? How do you even come up with these things?”

“I don’t know… lately you’ve been acting a bit strange.”

“Stop it. I feel like you’re deliberately trying to create a problem between us.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“What subject?”

“That you’re acting strange, like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“I’m already convinced you’re intentionally looking for conflict. Maybe you are the one hiding something?”

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re the one who’s not being completely honest.”

“Look, instead of picking a fight, just say what’s going on.”

“Spit it out already! That would be best for both of us.”

“Fine! I bought the orange juice to hint at how much I like your little oranges!”

“What?? Are you saying my breasts are small?”

“Oh my God!”

“Are you trying to give me an inferiority complex? That’s disgusting!”

“I was just trying to make a joke!”

“If you think you can gain psychological dominance in our relationship, you should know it won’t work. Save the condescension for your mistress!”

“What mistress? Have you lost your mind?”

“You wouldn’t dare talk to me like that if you didn’t have a mistress! There — now we’ve finally figured out what you’ve been hiding!”

“I’ll book you an appointment with a psychoanalyst. You clearly need professional help!”

“Are you trying to make me look crazy? You’ll pay for this!”

“I’m not trying to make you anything — you’re clearly crazy as it is.”

“I think everything between us is over.”

“Aha! So that’s what this is about — you wanted to start a fight from the very beginning just to find an excuse to break up with me? Why didn’t you just say it straight away and save us both some time?”

“No, I don’t want that, but I don’t see any point in being together anymore. Why should I live with someone who wants to psychologically degrade me?”

“Don’t dodge the issue. I get it — you don’t want us to be together anymore. You’re making up mistresses, but maybe you’re the one who found someone on the side?”

“The best defense is attack, right? You’re pathetic. And I’ve read some books about manipulative strategies. What you’re doing is copied straight from there. You could have at least tried to hide it a little!”

“I haven’t read anything like that. But why have you read those books? So you can manipulate me more effectively? Pointless — I’ll immediately recognize not only that you’re manipulating, but exactly which strategy you’re using!”

“Didn’t you say you hadn’t read those books?”

“Well… maybe just one or two. But definitely fewer than you, from what I can tell.”

“So you admit it! You must’ve read the Neuro-Linguistic Programming manual, right?”

“Hm… no! But since you know about it, you’ve obviously devoured it cover to cover, I assume?”

“I haven’t read it at all — I just skimmed it briefly, for a few minutes at most. Still, it’s normal to be at least minimally prepared when you live with someone like you. How else would I know when you’re trying to stab me in the back?”

“So the other day, when you found a few white hairs on my head, you were trying to suggest that I’m already old, right? Did you read that in the NLP manual? Who knows what else you picked up there… Maybe I should skim it too, as you put it.”

“So you finally found an excuse! You want to read it openly, without even hiding it! And you expect me to accept that? No, my dear, you’re mistaken. I’m telling you very clearly — you’re mistaken! Is that clear?”

“Don’t call me ‘my dear’! Your condescending tone won’t work! In situations like this, I’ll simply ignore you! And by the way — why should I hide what I’m reading?”

“You shouldn’t hide it, of course. Unless you’re reading something meant to crush and dominate me psychologically! Then at least out of basic decency you should do it secretly!”

“We’re getting nowhere like this!”

“And I’m saying we’re getting nowhere like this!”

“Fine. Let’s stop for a moment.”

“Because I cornered you about having a mistress, now you want time to collect your thoughts so you can build yet another fake version to fool me with?”

“Stop it!”

“So now what?”

“Nothing. Maybe the problem is that we read too much of this stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Manipulation. NLP and other nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense. It’s being used everywhere now.”

“That’s true. But we shouldn’t be using it on each other.”

“Well… how can I be sure that if I’m honest with you, you’ll be honest with me?”

“Maybe we should trust each other?”

“Who trusts anyone these days? Trusting someone is the same as being stupid.”

“But if we don’t trust each other, why are we together?”

“Well… because we’re a family.”

“And what’s important in a family, then?”

“Well… raising children, buying an apartment… going on vacations together…”

“That’s the most important thing?”

“Well… I hadn’t really thought about it that deeply… I guess so… I don’t know…”

“Isn’t it more important to love each other, to trust each other, and to feel good together?”

“Yes, but a man still has to step into his role!”

“And that role is?”

“To provide conditions for the woman.”

“Conditions for what?”

“Well… for raising children.”

“But don’t both parents raise the children?”

“Anyway, there are traditional roles in the family!”

“You didn’t think that yesterday when you were out with friends until 11 p.m. A woman should spend her evenings with her husband. When I tried to hint at that, you said you don’t accept patriarchal slavery!”

“Well, obviously!”

“Then why do you expect me to provide you with conditions to do whatever you want?”

“Because I’m a woman and you’re a man.”

“Aha. I see.”

“Okay, let’s not argue! I want you to know that I don’t want conflicts between us!”

“Do you think I want conflicts?”

“I don’t know… I hope not.”

“No, of course not.”

“I’m really glad to hear that. I believe we can understand each other.”

“I believe that too.”

“I just want to tell you that I love you!”

“And I love you too, my little mimosa!”

“Mimosa? What are you getting at…?!?”

Boyan Taksirov